Naive huh? Not.

It’s really depressing and upsetting when you can’t get the thing you NEED so much (it’s not about want, it’s a need for me) when all you do is keep admiring and getting jealous of people who have it, when all you do is keep day-dreaming like fuck about you holding it with your hands knowing that it’s all yours, when all you can do is just keep thinking that you can do so much better compare to what you have now, when all you do is just waiting for the day to come without knowing when, when you keep hoping for the magical moment to come, when what you can only do is keeping the faith and hope, when there are times you feel like giving up on your dreams and passion, when there are times that you feel so useless keep thinking that you wanna own that bloody thing, when you keep blaming yourself for choosing the wrong thing at the first place, when everytime you mention about it over and over again but keep getting no respond from them, when you keep saying the same thing over and over again when we talk about it but taking zero action on it, when ALL YOU CAN ONLY DO IS KEEP COMFORTING YOURSELF BY SAYING “IT’S OK, BE PATIENT BLAH BLAH BLAH SHITS, when all you can do is keep pretending that you’re okay, keep lying to yourself that everything’s fine, and act cool like a total fool.

It hurts. Like really hurts that you could hardly describe it through words.

Give up? Fuck that. I’m determined with this from the beginning, and it’s hard to let go something that you love so much. Fuck no I’m giving up.

…

Stop with all the nevermind and it’s okay already, I’m done fooling myself. So now what? Let it out by typing these JUST. NOT. ENOUGH. I feel like crying. Ahhhhhhhh bodoh la kau. Can’t believe this thing is giving me such impacts. Like what the heck man? Macam la boleh mati kan kalau teda tu benda? 


I don't know, it's just.. important. to me, myself and i. 

Whoever reading this, do not asume and act like you know about what’s going on eventhough you clearly know about what you’re thinking is true after reading this please and thank you. 

Grammar mistakes here and there, who cares lah I don’t live to please anyone. 

I just need to let things out.